Update

So we tried invitro and it failed. At the last moment one of my follicles took off and essentially stole all the hormone from the others not allowing them to grow anymore. It was two days away from when I was supposed to have the egg retrieval. The doctor was surprised that I hadnt responded better. He told us he could go in after the one egg and we would run the risk of spending all that money to just get one and maybe have it not work or we could cancel the cycle. I didnt like either one of those options so I pushed to have an intrauterine insemination to at least give the lone egg a shot. We went in the next day and got the procedure done twice to boost the chances of having enough semen up there to make it worth it. Then we started the two week wait which turned out to be the longest two weeks of my life since this has been our best shot at getting pregnant since starting this whole mess. I was on progesterone and prenatals during this time. I watched everything I ate and followed all the rules. Took six pregnancy tests which were all negative and like clock work today fifteen days later aunt flo showed her ugly face. I am way bummed out. Every negative cycle is hard but this one is worse for some reason. I had so much riding on this month I let myself get hopeful again. Its so hard to stay positive when everything I have done has failed up to this point. I feel like I am taking one step forward and two steps back constantly. I dont wanna try again. I am sure my feelings about that will change after a while and I will jump back on the rollercoaster but I know I need a break for at least a few months to sort of recharge and heal. I have some other goals that I can achieve if I focus on them so I think I am gonna do that for a few months just to feel accomplished at something since my main focus these last two years has been fruitless. I am sorry to everyone if I am being way negative or if I am distant. Its just hard being surrounded by people who have what I cannot have. Its nothing personal at all but its painful. I am genuinely happy for everyone having children but it just seems impossible for me and that makes me sad. I know its selfish but its the only way I can try and protect myself from some of the pain is to be distant. I appreciate the continued love prayers support and understanding from everyone. Its really meant a lot to me to have good friends and family pushing for me. Its what gets me through these hard times so thank you. Since this blog is about our journey to become parents it will probably not be updated for a few months cause we wont be doing anything related to this. The plan for now is to take at least three months to heal so I may start back up with invitro in Feb or March. Be back then. Hugs to everyone!

Eggs are growing!

Got checked on tuesday. Have six follicles on one side and 7 on the other. They are growing but slowly. Am increasing the fsh and starting antagonist so I dont prematurely ovulate. Praying they start to grow a bit faster. These hormones make me so tired. All I wanna do is sleep. Next appointment on friday morning. Hoping for big eggs. If alls well will have egg retrieval at the end of next week.

First IVF day

Update!!! Had my first treatment appointment today. Ultrasound showed several new ovum recruits about 10 on each ovary that will be able to be stimulated to grow. The doctor is optimistic that we will get several to work with. Starting shots tomorrow...kinda bummed that they all have to be intramuscular though and be put in my bum. Trial embryo transfer went good he knows exactly where to best put them in now. Lining is still thick but should decrease cause this is only my second day of bleeding. I am excited because I got my period only a day after stopping bcp usually I have to a week or more. Blood work all where it should be. The only bummer was that I had a bit of a reaction to some of the prep solution he used and got all swollen down there and got high blood pressure and a fever. Had to be monitored for a little bit but it quickly resolved and was lucky that it didnt happen on surgery day or the cycle wouldve had to be canceled. Going back to the doctor on tuesday next week to get a lidacaine wash to remove any buildup or retained endometrial tissue so that the baby embies have the best chance of implanting. And another ultrasound to see if my follicles are growing in a timely manner and more blood work

Exictement then dissapointment (this seems to be a reoccuring theme in infertility!)

Erg! So the super excitement of earlier has now given way to bitter sadness. I had called the doctors this morning informing them that my period had finally started...made the appointment to start the IVF treatment regimen, get all the bloodwork and ultrasounds going. Appointment set for three tomorrow so excited! Then doctors office called at around 3 and said that the embryologist that will be responsible for caring for my eggs and making sure they fertilize and grow properly is going to be gone for the last two weeks of this month right when I was going to need him! So now I have to go BACK on birth control and wait for ANOTHER period to come NEXT month!!!! Some of my meds will expire by then wasting about five hundred dollars and now I will have to order more and wait for them to come. I didnt want to do this in November or December for fear of running into this exact same problem due to the holidays but now I do not have a choice. I got work all figured out for this now Ill have to go back and rearrange all of that. Its so frusterating I have been preparing for this for since April and now its pushed back a whole more month. And I know that doesnt seem like a lot but it feels like an eternity more of waiting since its been such a long time coming. I hate this!!!! I hate that I have to conceive around 6 other peoples schedules and not my own body's schedule the whole thing is just so ridiculous!!!!! Ok done complaining now.

Update

October 3 2011
Well I have been off birthcontrol now for about five days. Expecting to start a period soon which would allow us to start the IVF cycle. Impatiently waiting! Once it does come I get an exam and baseline blood tests. Then I start all the injectable medicine. When I am on the shots (for about 14 days) I have to have ultrasounds and blood draws about every 2 to 3 days to monitor the progress of the growing ovum. If and once they reach 18-20mm they will give me a shot to ripen up the eggs for retrieval. The next day I will have surgery the eggs will be taken out and fertilized. They will monitor the fertilized eggs progress for 3 days to make sure they are healthy and having good cell growth. After three days if they are still healthy 2 or 3 will be put into my uterus where hopefully they will attach on. I will know two weeks after that if they are growing. I will keep this updated per appointment for those that are interested!

Our History

Jason and I were married in October of 2009. Such a happy time! We thought we had it all figured out. I just got out of nursing school, he was continuing in school and working. All was good. We had discussed wanting children but wanted to wait a little while and just enjoy each others company as newly weds. Then the positive pregnancy test two months later changed everything. I miscarried very early but quickly discovered how much I wanted to be a momma even though at the time it seemed way too fast. We went to the temple one night shortly after and both had the impression to try again. By this time we were married about four months. So we quietly started trying again...nothing happened. For 6 months....not even a positive ovulation test or even a tiny increase in temp. I knew I had issues in that area but I never thought it would be so hard. I knew something was more wrong than I thought. And for whatever reason the feeling of urgency was overpowering me. We visited the OB June 2009 and went through the hoops of tests. Ended up my hormones were all out of whack and we had a touch of male factor infertility to deal with as well to add to the issue. Later on with the ultrasound and exam it was determined that I have pretty severe polycystic ovarian syndrome. Something one in ten women suffer from and is the leading cause of infertility.
Now we thought we knew what we were dealing with no problem. Clomid it is! Took it for three months with no monitoring....nothing. We had done everything right. I was mystified. So we increased the dose to the highest dose possible and had monitoring. I had a beautiful 15mm follicle growing on day 12! Finally there was something...a glimmer of hope. Day 14 still 15mm and a HCG shot to get it to let go. Day 16 same follicle but 10mm...shrinking and thus dead. They called me a low responder and said that I shouldve ovulated by now and if clomid was going to help me it would have by then. Left the doctors office in tears and with the phone numbers of several invitro fertilization clinics in the area. I was so angry. I didn't want anything to do with IVF. So we looked into adoption for a couple months but it never felt right. Took clomid again on our own just to see what would happen and nothing. March 2011 I knew that invitro was our only option. I had gotten a new/better job by then and was more able to deal with the all the doctors appointments and the overwhelming cost.
We spent the better part of a month researching clinics both in our area and abroad. Finally found a doctor that was reasonable in price and close to us. In July 2011 went for our first appointment. That doctor did more for me in an hour than my OBGYN did in six months. He redid all of our tests and ordered new ones. Determined that my uterus is retrograde and that I have stage two endometriosis on top of everything else. But oddly that diagnosis didnt upset me. I know I am in the best hands there is. He has recently washed me out in an attempt to control the growth of endometriosis, a painful proceedure for sure but vital to our treatment. More tests for both the man and I. All came back as expected. We are on track. All medicines have been ordered and are on their way. I start taking the suppression meds the first of September so come October we have a clean slate to work with. Cant wait for October to come! I have so much faith that this will work this time! It hasnt been easy at all, there have been a ton of tears and breakdowns but it has drawn us together as a couple and really shown us what really matters in life! More to come later! It isnt over til that stork finally is caught!